My journey

I lost my first son, John Daniel Fry, on June 14, 1998 to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).  My life changed completely that day.  I lost any innocence I still had left!  What was this thing they were talking about, this SIDS that had just stolen my baby right out of my arms?!  I was angry, I'm still angry!  Why these little innocent babies?  Why must these families go through this tremendous pain?!  It makes no logical sense and it's just plain unfair! 

My life did not end when I lost John.  There were times that summer when I just wished it would, when I wished that I could join him.  If he was in a better place than why wasn't I?  All I kept hearing was that I was strong and I could make it through this and that there must be some reason for it.  I still can't see any good reason for any baby to be taken from it's parents!  I have decided to take those lemons that life handed me and try to make lemonade.  I have decided that I want to try to do whatever I can to help other families whose lives have been devastated by SIDS get through this journey.  It is an intense pain that I don't wish upon any other person, but unfortunately over 3500 new families a year in the US alone have to find a way to cope with this grief and find a way to get through their new life.

Life will never be the same again, how could it?  There is a very important part of your life missing now, your baby.  It is our job to figure out the right way for us to go on, how do we get through this grief, notice I say get through, we will NEVER get past it, or get over it!  NEVER!  How can that ever be expected of anyone?  You get over the fact that your favorite pair of sunglasses broke, you cannot get over your child dying for no apparent reason.  I am not the same person I was before and never will be, a piece of me is missing and it feels as though there is a hole in my heart that I can't fill, and I don't think I'll ever be able to fill it.

Getting through this takes courage and support!  I can't give anyone else the courage to get through, but I can try and support you the best I know how.  I can talk to you and let you know what has worked for me, but every person's experience with grief is unique.  My goal in life is to make sure that John lives on through me and to do things that I think he would be proud of!

There is so much more that I could write, but I'll save it for another time.  If you or someone you know has been through this and needs someone to talk to feel free to contact me sids@novass.net and I will try to get back to you as soon as possible.  I check my e-mail on a daily basis, but it may take a day or two for me to get back to you sometimes.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!  Mommy misses you Baby John! <3